Chains
by Aixyutin
Summary: In which Kaname wonders about Ruka and moonlight. Under all the chains and guilt, he has just enough strength to curse the last generation for burdening his.


_Ring around a rosy,  
A pocket full of posies,_

"Kaname-sama."

She's standing there, glorious, and even if he knows it's the moonlight, she looks like she's bathing in light and, oh _Lord_, she's nothing but stars and glory.

Even as these thoughts flash and then evaporate in his mind, he sees that her head is bowed. Her thin and unscarred fingers are curled in an uncomfortable position, and he isn't able to suppress the familiar feeling of centuries and eons of pain and guilt that arises every time he sees her. Except this time it feels a hundred years heavier, and it's painfullike life always is, especially when he sees her gloriouseyes shining with cursed moonlight.

"**Ruka**," he hears her name, her first name, her _intimate_ name slip out of his throat without meaning to. He subtly swallows, hearing just that lilt of emotion shimmer in his voice.

_Yuuki, Yuuki, Yuuki_.

He's glad, even though he knows he shouldn't, that she's so numb and hurt (and it's _entirely his _fault) so she doesn't hear that rogue cadence in his strained voice.

"I can guess from the scent and presence of blood carried by the wind…"

Despite her haunting voice that's thicker than the scent of roe deer, his eyes are drawn to the way her dark brown eyelashes brush against her alabaster skin and play like the iron gates to heaven.

_Yuuki, Yuuki, Yuuki._

He cuts her off before she continues, because he doesn't think he could live through the rest of her fatalistic words.

"Why do you have an apologetic expression on your face?" Kaname asks coldly. His voice has reverted back to its familiar harshness, even more harsh than the tone he pulls with Aidou Hanabusa. Inside he's tearing at his own throat. It's a stupid _stupid_ question, but a part of him wants her to hit him.

He knows if her hand dares to rise, he'll stand and take the blow. He'll close his eyes and relish the pain, knowing it's a small fraction of the agony he's caused her. But she doesn't, because she's a damaged Ruka Souen and he's a Kaname Kuran that's clothed in mystery that's really only lies, so despite his hidden plea to _be _strong, she shrinks even further in his eyes. And Kaname hates her for it, because he doesn't want her to keep reminding him of the strength he's robbed her.

"Because I have only been a fool who only cared about my own feelings… always… until I was faced with the truth." Her voice that's never been strong is surprisingly steady, but it's still fragile. Her head is bowed, so Kaname lets his eyes flutter shut, knowing she won't see this moment of weakness. He focuses on the painful sensation of his chest twisting.

What a masochist.

_Yuuki, Yuuki, Yuuki_.

It has to be the moonlight he decides. It's the moonlight, not his mind and heart, causing him to stare at the way her hair floats as she walks by, a trail of the ribbon haphazardly tying together her broken heart and shattered soul. Kaname barely registers her words. It's her voice he hears, and oh Lord, her voice is _guilty._

"Ruka." He's fighting to keep his voice under control, and to keep himself where he is and _not _(Lord forbid) rush over to-to do what?

_Yuuki, Yuuki, Yuuki_.

Kaname hates it that she's paused. Ruka Souen should be the kind of vampiress who would walk away from the man she's loved for almost her whole life, with her shoulders straight, eyes proud and in love with _herself_, maybe even sly seductive tilt at the corner of her sinful lips…

_Yuuki, Yuuki, Yuuki_.

"I'm sorry." He could see a shiver tear through her _thin weak_ body, and it makes the moonlight in her hair slide and ripple.

Once again, he isn't quite registering her words, only her voice that's even more laden with guilt. He's actually surprised he can register her presence through the waterfall-loud roar in his own ears and the monster in his throat.

At that moment, Kaname wants to give her the world.

"…I see," he finally says, struggling to fill the thick emptiness.

_Yuuki, Yuuki—_

He hears her voice saying his name (Kaname-sama) and it's like a chord from a lyre being played by angels. Despite the rational voice in his mind telling him to _let her go-_

He's terrified. He terrified because the way she said his name sounded like a goodbye.

_Yuuki, Yuuki, Yuuki._

Against his own will, the frantic part of his mind forces his traitorous voice to speak again.

"Then, Ruka," and _Oh Lord, Yuuki, Yuuki, Yuuki_ her name tasted like sin on his lips, "I'll say this."

"Something unfair…"

His eyes are turning crimson, and he tries to fight himself one last time, to swallow the words that are bubbling up his throat, because they are a _cage__ that will bind her forever__, and make his mistake irreparable. _

"I trust you." Kaname feels a roar of savage triumph run through him, because no matter how much he knows it's not good for her, he doesn't love Ruka Souen enough to _let_ her go…

_Yuuki, Yuuki, Yuuki_

But as she turns to look at him, the roar soon dies, and he feels as if he can virtually see his words settle around her heavenly being like chains_._ He's horrified to see how tightly they encompass her, how they encage and clip her wings, and how the chains lead back to him_._

_Ruka, Ruka, Ruka…_

And it's not the moonlight, he finally admits guiltily to himself, that's making her eyes shine when she turns her head to look at him. It's his heart and soul making her look so deliciously _human_.

"Thank you very much," she says. He hears her voice clearer than ever and it's so full of love that Kaname knows for sure he's going to the lowest level of hell when he finally dies.

_Forgive me Lord, for I have sinned._

_Ruka, Ruka, Ruka…_

She slowly tears her eyes away from his and exits out the hallway, the click of the door thundering loudly in his ears. And he is left standing lonely in the empty and long corridor, clutching at nothing but air, a sarcastic chuckle snaking out of his throat. And even though there are no tears, Kaname raises a hand to touch his cheek anyway.

There's a thick unpleasant feeling in the air, different than the foreboding of Rido (curses, curses, curses) and Yuuki (Yuuki, Yuuki, Yuuki), and Kaname knows his fate is indeed twisted like Shizuka (o! fallen prophetess) said would be.

_Ashes, Ashes,_

_We all fall down._


End file.
